We begin to question certainty in anything, understanding that certainty moves a person down the continuum toward violence.
When your mindfulness is strong enough, it will penetrate beneath the pain and you will see it for what it is.
Killing time is akin to killing oneself. We do have choices to make, and this one is yours.
Some people have a moment of desperation followed by spiritual revelation. Some people have near death experiences and see their lives flash before their eyes. I had neither of those.