My response to suicidal ideation was that there must’ve been something severely wrong with me. That I was broken.
I used to shave using the stainless steel mirror bolted to the concrete wall of my cell. I could barely see my face.
Killing time is akin to killing oneself. We do have choices to make, and this one is yours.
Some people have a moment of desperation followed by spiritual revelation. Some people have near death experiences and see their lives flash before their eyes. I had neither of those.